Breaking Up Is (Not That) Hard to Do

Day Four Update: I am not suffering DT's yet.

These first days of the 30-day phone breakup are mostly about paying closer attention: to when you grab your phone, to how you're feeling before and after, and about being mindful to think about WHY you're picking it up before you actually do.

I have noticed several patterns already. First, I always reach for my phone while I'm driving--a terrible habit just waiting to turn into a disaster. I have also noticed that I reach for my phone when I am purposelessly sitting somewhere public; like waiting for someone or for something to start. I think it stems from the need to look busy, like I'm not just sitting there like a lame duck. I am an important person with important things going on.

I have noticed that phones are contagious, like yawning. You can observe this phenomenon in any public space. When one person picks up his/ her phone, the motion spreads across the crowd. It's crazy.

I reach for my phone when I feel bored, anxious, or conspicuous. It almost becomes like a security blanket thing. I don't remember feeling so self-conscious before I got my phone. I used to be the kind of person who could go to dinner or to the movies alone. I want to be that person again.

Right after I put my phone down, I feel deflated. It's like I was expecting something and I didn't get it. Even if I have 15 notifications, it's never enough, or it's not from the "right" people. It's like being in high school all over again. I have in my mind a group of people by whom I want desperately to be accepted and liked, and if they are not amongst the group of people liking or commenting or retweeting my stuff (and they usually aren't), I feel completely let-down and insignificant.

The following are activities that I find "flow" doing: things that I enjoy so completely that I lose all sense of time passing and just fully engage in the moment. Each of these things have been disrupted by my phone multiple times. Reading. Writing. Creating lesson plans and/or presentations. Gardening. Talking with friends. Teaching. Watching an absorbing show or movie. Twitter chats (online interaction with a purpose). Watching fireflies. Hiking. Running.

My plan is to start utilizing the "OFFTIME" feature in the app to create flow time without interruptions, starting with my morning gardening time. In fact, I didn't get interrupted while writing this post, and that in itself is a victory!

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