SOL2: Burning a candle at both ends
A former student of mine who is in pharmaceutical school right now posted this the other day on the Facespace. I was pretty taken with this image. I am in year seventeen of my teaching career and this year is the first time I have felt like that proverbial candle that is burning on both ends.
It's not so much that I am blazing that much effort as I feel like somebody has set me on fire.
So what's going on? I'm not really sure. I have a tough group of kids this year, but I don't know that they are tougher than groups I've had in the past. I'm getting older, but I don't feel this way at home. There are a lot of new expectations trickling in from various places on high, but isn't that just part of the "teacher life"? New year, new crop of acronyms, right? Whatever is causing it, I am definitely experiencing burnout symptoms this year.
Creeping blues on Sundays, sleeping through my alarm on weekdays, raiding the headache medicine in the office on an almost daily basis, and falling asleep over books I am trying to read or papers I'm feedbacking every afternoon; these symptoms have become my "new normal" this year. I used to avoid those cynical, angry teachers who disparaged everything, but I suspect I might be one of them this year. Once an avid consumer of podcasts, education blogs, professional reading, and EduTwitter, I have drifted away from these one by one. I feel panicked at the thought of trying anything new in the face of how overwhelmed I feel with my day to day teaching life.
Man. I didn't sit down to write such a depressing post on this beautiful, sunny March day, but here we are. This was the story that asked to be told, because it's the story that has been dwelling in my heart and overshadowing everything else I've tried to write this year. (One only needs to look at my blog archive to see the truth in this statement.)
Wondering if it's time for a change.
Some stories need to be told!
ReplyDeleteGoodness, I’ve written these words a thousand times and I feel your dissonance and sludge. The Universe is whispering to you loudly and sometimes it has to get dark to see light again. When I was a literacy coach, I was always so grateful for my week long PD sessions at OSU in November and March. They renewed my spirit each and every time. Teachers don’t get that and they should. Take tender loving care of yourself and tell the Universe to adjust your sails so you can see new landscapes. Something will appear.
ReplyDeleteTeachers need to talk about burnout, and those in power should listen. I know both early and mid career teachers who are struggling. There’s a lot of pressure to keep up w/ the pack, to read and know all—and I do mean all. The repackaging of educational materials, the “do the shiny, new thing” both contribute to burnout. I’m in my last year teaching, and I’ve been where you are. This year I’ve had to detach from the cacophony and find some quiet free of distractions and expectations. I’ve had to realize all I can do is all *I* can do and ignore the rest. I hope you find a way through the darkness. Mid/career teachers are the heavy-lifters in our profession. Good luck and peace to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I have found several times this week that I ended up writing what I needed and not what I intended, and I think that's where burnout comes from. I get away from what people need...a high or silence when I am spending all this time avoiding the emotion or filling up the silences with noise. Big hug.
ReplyDeleteI can fully relate, as I hit a chronic burnout period of time about 10 years ago. (I am churning away in my 26th year now.) Happily, I think I've mellowed to some degree as a teacher, in regards to how I see myself and the day-to-day work. I recognize that (as my wife often tells me), I can only do what I can do. And certainly, if it doesn't feel good at the moment, we need to give it another moment -- because with teaching, nothing ever stays the same! Take good care of yourself, and thanks for writing.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if there's one thing you could take away from your list of responsibilities that would give you a sense of respite...or if you could add even a small something that just makes you smile each week (day, evening...)? What are the things that make you shine?
ReplyDeleteThe past two years I have wondered if burnout has set in. I don't enjoy some of things about teaching like I used to. The teachers I work with save me on many days! Maybe I am ready for a change too!
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